He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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