I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize