Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
