i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize