My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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