i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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