break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize