Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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