Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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