there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize