Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
