'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize