You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize