don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize