Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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