oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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