well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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