we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize