Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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