When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize