I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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