I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
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i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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