yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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