Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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