also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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