I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
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Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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