I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize