I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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