I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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