yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
