I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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