I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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