Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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