Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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