Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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