I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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