A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize