i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
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Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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