if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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