Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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