New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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