Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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