she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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