Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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