Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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