Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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