dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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