hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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