You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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