I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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